30th December.

Eric Whitacre’s is wonderfully calming music. 

I feel as though I am in one of those moods when the sheer wonder of everything is almost overpowering. The fact that I have access to millions of words (I’m currently in my university library- and as far as libraries go, it is a pretty spectacular one), the ability to learn, the fact that I am sitting comfortably at a table on a Sunday evening happily researching and working on an essay.. it is miles from where I felt my head and heart a few mere days ago.

What goes down will come up. Eventually.

It will break your heart and your head, but it will come up, and eventually, one day, you will begin to have the moments when you finally feel like your old self. These moments are admittedly fleeting, and I can only remember the few I have had in the past few months if I have documented them (usually on the internet).

But when I read them later, particularly if things have gone to shit again, particularly if I have begun to make secret, calm plans, particularly if it is the middle of the night and the loneliness is too much to handle- I remember that these moments happened, and can happen again, will happen again.